i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
