If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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