I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
