Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
