we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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