I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
