dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Alive.
So much puke
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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