i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
