i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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