You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm getting married
To pizza
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
