...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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