Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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