I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
