We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
