So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
