nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
