i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
