Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
