So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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