u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
