There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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