Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This girl is more easily done than said...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
