Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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