Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
