Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
