he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
