The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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