I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
