if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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