if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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