I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
