So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
