Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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