and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
