Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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