Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
