After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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