I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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