I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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