how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
