so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
