Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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