The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
