LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
