Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Be still, my beating vagina.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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