I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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