So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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