I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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