so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
