so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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